Norco, or Vicodin after it reinvented itself.
See that? Most entry-level pill heads get off on Vicodin, Lortab, or other hydrocodone-based medications… basically the older brothers of these little buffed bastards. Now, a certain pharmacist I know (legitimate pharmacist, in case there was any question) cued me in on a little tidbit. These were reformulated with less acetaminophen (read Tylenol, for the uneducated lot that stumbled over this blog due to the narcotic references) because some weaklings were murdering their livers by taking more than the prescribed dosage. Acetaminophen will do that, because it’s a jerk.
So enter Norco, with a way better hydrocodone to acetaminophen ratio. Again, lemme dumb it down for the slow kids, more of the gets-you-loaded stuff with less murder-your-liver stuff. Now, for me, this is a twofold advantage. One, I’ve been immune to acetaminophen for years, unless paired with something else to give it some balls. So that gives way to two– there’s no point taking a drug that is going to try and play jackhammer with my liver of steel.
So, here’s my dilemma. I hate popping pills. Hate it. Primary reason? Look up there, back to my comment about that immunity to acetaminophen. My body adapts like the freaking Borg when it comes to medication. Why, you may ask? Beats me, but I’ve got a sneaking suspicion it has to do with my champion liver, and the Olympic-grade training it has received over the years. Don’t judge me, I’m now dealing with a byproduct of my own epic nature. Seriously, this sucks about as hard as– oh yeah, having to learn how to be a lefty.
The goddamn drugs are working about as well as the dolts in Washington (but that’s totally another rant). Let’s see, they started off with the promise of taking away the pain of surgery, and at first they did. Now, I take them on the longshot hope that they’ll actually do something for me, so I don’t have to rely on my own tolerance and affinity for pain. I even try to take them at random in a futile attempt to get some sweet relief. Of course, tagging along with that Capitol reference, they arbitrarily work when they feel like it. Go figure. Sometimes I even luck out and get a little loopy with the intermittent pain relief.
Tonight, I suffer the same fate as I have for the past five days. Norco has officially boned my sleep patterns, so my sorry insomniac ass is left watching reruns on Adult Swim. I popped two on an empty stomach, faking optimism that it’d knock me out (thus allowing me to finally pass out on the couch at a reasonable hour). This is why I’m a cynic, because optimism always leaves you up watching the same lame-ass Axe commercial that’s been running on and off for the past two years. Shuffle in a shitload of Education Connection commercials with their inane jingle, and I’m about ready to try and choke myself out with the cast. Oh wait, that’s right, I can’t reach my own damn throat. Yays.
If only the Norco would work… For you House fans out there, that’s some serious ass literary license. His liver would have more holes than the whole recurring Vicodin addiction subplot, and no freaking pain relief.
Maybe I should give myself a stranger, not like the drugs are gonna help.
Unplug.
Snark and Circumstance 