Posts Tagged ‘technology’

This. Means. War.

Posted: July 27, 2014 in Rant
Tags: , , , , ,

*ahem*  Let’s see how good my faux German accent is today.  Buckle up.  *snicker*

…before we begin our next phase, I would like to take some time to address a rumor floating around ze fleet.

Some of you have come to believe zhat I.  Like.  War.
I vish to dash these rumors.  I do not like war.
I.  Love.  War.

Through my life, I have discovered so many forms of war.  You get up in ze morning.  You get into your shitty car, und you see a rich CEO who works half as hard as you do drive down the street in his Porsche.

Class war!

Zen you try und post about it on your Facebook, but zen all your friends start arguing about vhat’s right und vhat’s wrong–

Flame war!”

— The Major, Hellsing Ultimate Abridged (Episode 4… definitely NSFW…  Check out Takahata101 on YouTube)

Ah, now that feels better.  The whole speech truly encompasses the goddamn euphoric feeling I get when I am gloriously justified in loosing my wrath.  I never once anticipated that my current Bitcoin obsession would eventually result in me picking a fight with the powers that be in Albany, NY.

Those of you that live in The Empire State are already facepalming, realizing that I am voluntarily preparing to stick my size 11 boot in the biggest pile of sycophants and fail found outside of The Federal Beltway.  Why would I take on such an implacable edifice of feckless bureaucracy?  Well, let me cut to the chase– they’re poised to shit in my Wheaties.  In short, fuck that noise.

GET SOME.

Bet you were expecting Alucard to show up here. You were mistaken.

I will not sit idly by and let some six-figure-pulling jackass destroy my opportunity to make a decent living using my own ambitions and abilities.  Sooooo, here’s where things are about to get interesting.  Why, you ask?  Well, it comes back to war.  Waltzing into a fight without allies is more stupid than a bunch of technophobe Baby Boomers trying to regulate a global cryptocurrency.  It’s bad enough that Wall Street is under their jurisdiction– and wouldn’t you know?  They failed at regulating that so hard, it hatefucked the USA into another recession.

I’m not letting them screw my ambitions just because they’re idiots.  Luckily for me, there’s a state assemblyman who has his head screwed on straight…. and I happened to have met the man a few weeks ago in person.  The following is a verbatim copy of the letter that I’m sending to his office via certified mail tomorrow to fire my opening volley.

Have a read:

Under normal circumstances, I wouldn’t have opted for such an informal salutation, however after meeting you while I was working at the [redacted]—you told me this is how you prefer to be addressed. I am writing you to express my concern and disdain for NYDFS’s proposed regulation/licensing of Bitcoin-based financial ventures. As you once said, NYS has a disturbing habit of squashing ambition and incentivizing failure—and I believe the proposed actions of NYDFS to be yet another sign of your observation. They claim that this is to strike a balance between protecting consumers and setting common sense rules—but the proposal is precisely the opposite in every way. No private individual or business entity can or will be affected by Bitcoin that does not choose to deal with it. Furthermore, virtual currencies like Bitcoin are of no danger to the public—contrary to this reactionary proposal. Truth be told, it’s plainly obvious they consider Bitcoin to be a criminal endeavor only—and they wish to destroy opportunities for residents who aren’t among the financial elite.

Firstly, as you plainly know—economic and employment opportunities in Western New York are pitiful if put politely. This proposed burdensome set of licensure and data-collecting measures reflects two things about NYDFS—and namely Superintendent Benjamin Laswky. One, they have no grasp of what they are trying to regulate. Two, they do not care if innovation and businesses continue to flee from New York State like first class passengers from the Titanic. Their myopic and alarmist set of measures betray their lack of understanding for what Bitcoin is (how it works, how it’s produced, and how it’s used)—and demonstrates deliberate ignorance of the IRS’s ruling that Bitcoin is a commodity and not a currency.

According to the IRS’s decision, virtual currencies like Bitcoin are to be treated in the same manner as birdhouses produced in one’s garage.  Similarly, individuals like myself who have the technical knowhow to set up a Bitcoin “mine” have the opportunity to lift themselves from the current economic climate—and potentially return more to our respective communities than if we were stuck in the traditional job market. With their current proposal, any small mines like mine (in my case uniquely benefitting from the inexpensive electric service by the Jamestown BPU) would be driven out of business– or out of New York State. This is an economic boon that NYDFS will deny enterprising individuals, and exclude from the state’s taxable revenue.

It is very obvious that this proposed direction is an alarmist and reactionary move in response to articles on MSN, Yahoo (et al) that demonstrate that Bitcoin may be used for money laundering purposes.  In the case of Bitcoin mines (the production side of the equation, where specialized computer hardware generates Bitcoin for sale/usage), that is impossible. I am not surprised by the myopic response by the NYDFS—it is on par with individuals who lack the technical abilities to handle the simplest of tasks like setting up their own email client. These cumbersomely stringent (and presumably expensive) licensing and documentation procedures reflect their erroneous understanding of virtual currency, from production to purchase/sale.   If Mr. Lawsky has his way and this proposal becomes law, the only individuals with the resources and capital capable of accommodating the regulations/licensing will be large businesses. There will be no room for forward-thinking individuals to better their circumstances through their own ability and ambition. So much for the American Dream of creating opportunities from your own hard work and ingenuity, right? I am not surprised by this disregard for the common citizen as the NYDFS members have little first-person experience with the current job market and economic climate. Their six-figure salaries and stock portfolios are already taken care of.

This brings me to my final, and probably most ireful, point. NYDFS has already failed pathetically at regulating Wall Street (which is already under their purview, and has harmed the lives of millions of Americans through their questionable practices.)   After reading their proposal—I have little doubt that these individuals are borderline computer-illiterate, Mr. Lawsky included. If you will pardon the phraseology, they have no business attempting to regulate a technology that they only understand through diluted third-party explanations. I am further disgusted by the fact that public funds were wasted on drawing up this reactionary policy, instead of focusing on aspects of public business and finance that do affect the majority of citizens in NYS and beyond. Instead of focusing on the spate of problems already on their desks that they have shirked and ignored, they have chosen to collect their salaries while demonstrating their clear lack of priorities—and understanding of the digital world.

Andy, my Bitcoin-generating hardware is at a stage where it pays my personal electric bill for my apartment—and part of a credit card payment. Currently, I can net roughly $120 per month, and while that is modest—it is a beginning of my business, one that Mr. Lawsky clearly seeks to squash through ill-conceived overregulation. I have a degree in English composition, and even I lack the words to properly express how much this effort by NYDFS must be publicly and permanently ceased.   I cannot stress enough the immediate need to generate a vocal and decisive opposition to his measures in Albany among the decision-making members of government.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I hope to speak with you in the near future about how to stamp out these measures before they permanently drive more ambitious, youthful, entrepreneurs from New York State.

You feeling that joyous quiver in your loins yet?

And the moral of the story is...

Next step, picking five or six other officials to receive similar letters… and then the media….  I don’t take prisoners.

Never piss off a guy with an English writing degree.

It’s showtime.

Unplug.

Anything I feel is worth doing should be worth going utterly overboard. Whether it’s Tough Mudders, Halloween Costumes, Homecoming Alcoholism, or college (I was an undergrad for only a decade)– if I’m going to do it, I’m taking it too far.  It’s just who I am.  Yes, I have lately shirked my passion for the written word to have an affair with my first love– tech.  Believe you me, it’s getting torrid and she’s offering to pay me to stay.

Let me pause to let the slow kids catch up with the metaphor.

There, now that we’re all on the same page (the part where my old laptop has a part time job), I decided to take a step outside my comfort zone.  I like to be solely responsible for all of my successes– and therefore my failures.  I realized my Bitcoin mining operation was not growing fast enough– or rather, I have learned all that I can at this stage.  My current hardware is earning for me, yes, but not at a rate where I can get ridiculous.  I don’t have the funds for that kind of hardware, either.  So I did something that I’m not comfortable doing– I asked for help.

Ladies and gentlemen, Hunter S.

Exactly why I bit the bullet… I wanna get back into the thick of life.

So I went ahead and looked at Kickstarter after hearing about the dude that cranked in over $50 grand for a $10 potato salad, and upon realizing that my “fund” is just to start a business (as opposed for public benefit)– I had to look elsewhere.  I ended up landing on GoFundMe.  I usually scoff at this sort of thing, and if I can’t do it myself– I don’t deserve it.  My pride can be a personality flaw at times.

Realizing that I will never have time to write, nor really do the things for Cortana that I want, I started off my own page.  If, by some amazingly unlikely galactic twist, this works– I’ll finally be able to put all of my talents to use.  My tech background will provide the funds to get me in a permanent writing mode–  and who knows, maybe Cortana will get her way sooner than later and I’ll bring about the apocalypse (by reproducing… it’s the 8th Sign, after all).

So, everyone, share the link wherever you may.  After all, it’s a starter for a business– and pretty much a totally revamped life.  I guess we’ll see what happens.

Exactly.

The mindset.

Seriously though.  Give it a click and give it a share if you can’t give it a buck.

Unplug.

 

Holy crap, two in two days?  I know, I’m about as consistent as Lewis Black’s attitude.  It’s not a perfect metaphor, I know, but I don’t see you trying to do any better.  Speaking of consistency, one of the things I’ve been doing in lieu of writing (besides drinking and running my third Tough Mudder) is getting in touch with my tech-obsessed side.

That’s right, I went around in the graveyard in the back of my mind and robbed the grave of my nerdier past.  I have to admit, I forgot how fun it was to advance my computer skills.  It all started back in April when Cortana brought back an old IBM x346 series server from work– free.  At that point, I got a technoboner– because I thought I’d have the baddest-ass home media server ever.  After firing it up and realizing how loud the bastard was (later dubbed The Frankenbeast, but that’s a different story), I still taught myself how to set up a RAID array and install Windows 7 on a completely nuked fossil.  The more it pissed me off that I couldn’t do my usual work-arounds (cabling bullshit, jump drive loads, etc), the more I was provoked to bend this piece of decade-old tech to my will.

You're not Skynet, don't even step.

The fuck do you mean “no drive found”? There’s fucking TWO.

Seriously, it was a case of I-will-not-be-fucking-beat-by-obsolete-tech.  Needless to say, I won– and upon seeing the system specs, I realized that this overgrown calculator (as my sister’s boyfriend put it) was probably the most powerful computer in the fucking apartment.  Then again, this server had all the processor upgrades and 4 gigs of ram– the ram alone made the damn thing 2x as brainy as the laptops.  Don’t laugh– we’re saving for a house.

Anyway– I get the bright idea to start dicking off with altcoins.  One thing led to your mother, and here I am with a Bitcoin mining hobby that can pay our fucking electric bill.  Yeah.  That got your attention, didn’t it?  I gave my computer a fucking job.  Cue a record scratch here, since most of you only accredit me with chemical tolerance and verbal atrocities.

You see I grew up around computers– as in my dad had a Commodore 64 to do his office bookwork on.  I cut my teeth on goddamn BASIC.  I grew up with DOS, Usenet, AOHell, and all the archaic shit that nobody uses anymore.  I’ve had an almost intuitive ability with anything computer related since I was a kid, and making shit work is just… easy.  Yes, that says a too much about what kind of kid I was– now quit sidetracking.  After getting out of computer science like a frustrated little bitch (still another story entirely, if someone really gives a damn)– I slummed it.  My *ahem* security breaching skills went from slightly disturbing to completely laughable, and primarily whipped Winblows after Winblows operating system to a point of not giving me shit– and no further.  In short, I got lazy.

Fuck off, Zoidberg!

[insert “could have been a contender” reference here]

I ended up ripping the OS out of my old laptop from college, put Ubuntu on it– then taught myself how to use it while figuring out how to install the bastard legacy Broadcom wireless driver on it.  Again, I got that whole nerd rage thing going on– and then figured it out.  If you’re expecting a defenestration somewhere, you’re shit outta luck– because here I am after having spent another whole night in the “mine” setting up my newest upgrade.

Mind you, I’m also pretty loaded.  So there you have it, I was going to make a “that’s what’s ripping me away from the keyboard” kind of sign off– then I realized that I traded in using one keyboard at a time for two.

Unplug.

— because ladies and gents, we are collectively about to get screwed.  This isn’t a slow comfortable screw against the wall, nor is it sex on the beach, nor any other deliciously alcoholic double entendre.  For those of you living under a rock, or locked in to reality TV, grab your vaseline– because we’re collectively on course to get prison fucked with a table leg.  Was that an uncomfortable mental image?  Good– because that’s about how I felt when I heard about Skynet–  erhm, I mean PRISM.

Seriously, I was gonna grab my tinfoil for which to fashion a jaunty cap– but then I realized that things as arbitrarily random as my sext life have been entertaining the fucking NSA for free since possibly 2008.  Do I need to slow this down for the No-child-left-behind kids?  Let me put this in literary terms:  George Orwell was a fucking Time Lord and 1984 is his documentary and warning.

Yes, my friends, welcome to the United States of Orwellian Hell– because those same Baby Boomers that were outraged by the Nixonian wiretaps of Watergate have once again played the selective hypocrisy card and done something 1000x worse.  It almost makes me happy to know that Social Security is going to eat shit right when the brunt of them will need it most.

Hi NSA!!

It wasn’t supposed to be a blueprint, you assjacks!

First the IRS demonstrates that it is not a collection of soulless beancounters from Hell, which makes us wonder how well the audit process really works– now we’ve got the NSA collecting zettabytes worth of data on innocent people.  I’m a goddamn tech nut and I hadn’t even heard of a zettabyte until this whirling shitstorm of police-state transgressions kicked up– but to put it in perspective:  If a terabyte is two steps above a megabyte…  a zettabyte is two steps above a terabyte.  For those of you bad with numbers— a zettabyte is a billion fucking terabytes.  Yes, that’s a lot of porn.

They say this is to protect national security, right?  The ends justify the means, right?  If you are in that camp of delusional assjacks: fuck you and the mother that didn’t swallow your genetic material when she had the opportunity.

The reason I say this is because if PRISM actually caught terrorists, there’d be a lot of people in Boston who’d still have limbs and lives.

Yeah, totally went there– because it’s true.  Any and all arguments to the contrary are hereby invalid.

Yup.  We're fucked.

Continually at war? Check. Freedom? Under attack. Ignorance? Bitch please, this is America– we’ve got the market *cornered* on the willingly ignorant and deliberately stupid.

Sure, we can get everyone all sorts of pissed off– and the media broadcasting it to death– when someone’s right to pack heat is called into question.  However, lemme introduce you to my good buddy: The Fourth Fucking Amendment.  Take it away, Quattro!

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

Just because some of my effects happen to be stored and conveyed by electromagnetic means, as opposed to paper and pencil, does not mean it’s fair game to be collected for “security” purposes.  It’s about as clear as Swarovski crystal, people: you need a warrant to search and otherwise wiretap anyone.

You know what the really fucked up part is?  Nobody would have heard a damn word if it weren’t for Snowden, perhaps the last guy on the inside to have any sort of scruples.  Now you’ve got more of these ‘tards up top like Boehner and Feinstein who are calling him a traitor and want him prosecuted–  excuse me, but didn’t you all swear an oath to defend and uphold the Constitution of the United States?!  Newsflash, assjacks, that’s the whole damn thing, not what you deem convenient at the time.  Then again, when you’ve got a media that’s covering the idiots running the show– the criminals keep on with business as usual.

This is why we can’t have nice things, because the laws don’t apply when the branches of government collectively don’t give a shit– and the media has everyone busy watching the finger-pointing blame-game puppet show.

I’ll be right back, who the fuck’s knocking on my door?

Unplug.

I’ve lamented to no end the endless ways computer/software manufacturers make their products more user-friendly and easy-to-use.  Easy to use means more accessible to people who’s parents could be potentially related.  Thanks to letting the stupid onto the net, everything’s slowly going to shit.  Viruses and malware are spread far more easily by idiots than they are by hackers.  Newsflash, my loyal literati, hackers (by and large) can’t be bothered to pay attention to the average schmo– because it’s just not worth their time.

Because of idiots, every half-assed photoshop job claiming Bill Gates is going to give $5000 for every share on facebook goes viral (a rebirth of the same email forwarding chain from back in the day).  Thanks to idiots, people still think some dead girl named Carmen is going to crawl out of the sewer and kill them if they don’t share the brainlessly-constructed anti-bullying picture (and fake story).

Who would have thought?

…. or share it on the internet for all to see.  Yes, I’m talking about you.

Sure, once in awhile, some of us fall victim to a clever troll– like around that $500 million Powerball jackpot where people were posting pictures of their tickets.  You know it’s stupid (even when drunk), but that itchy clicky finger can’t help itself.  Then there are some of you who over-share any ass-backwards retarded thing they stumble over under the auspices of “can’t hurt.”

“Can’t hurt” isn’t a plenary indulgence for being a blatant moron.
“Can’t hurt” is internet for “just the tip,” except nobody is enjoying it.
Sidebar– I’m sure some of you did fall for the “just the tip” line and got some “interest on the deposit,” but that’s another joke entirely.

People like you, the ones who don’t think before they click, that make social media a wasteland devoid of any sort of intelligence beyond cat memes.  Then again, it’s socially acceptable to be stupid these days, ain’t it?  (No, but then again, I’d be a bully if I said otherwise.)  You’d swear it was a biological mandate.

Please do.

… by the way, I understand that adding aspartame to bleach neutralizes the harmful effects of both… and tastes like a gin and tonic, and leaves your breath super fresh. You should try it.

Oh, and by the way– I’m also staring right at the “social activists” who think sharing is a way to prove you’re a conscientious citizen of the planet.  No, dipshit, you spent less than a tenth of a calorie clicking on something– you didn’t do a goddamn thing.

So yes, I will continue to share my dinner online– because at least that took some creativity, effort, and thought.  It’s a hell of a lot more useful than posturing as a social activist when all you do is sit on your ass behind a keyboard and pretend to be better than everyone else.

I’m not sure which is worse, the cancer known as stupid– or it’s cosmetic-slathered cousin, the wannabe-activist that doesn’t actually do shit besides click, share, and make-believe.

Unplug.

Holy crap, apparently Whorebot got upgraded to 2.0!   I hopped onto MSN, minding my little lonesome (even if I was planning to troll a few buddies of mine), and I noticed a name that was quite unfamiliar:  Gabriella Godwin.  Of course, I looked at the email address and suddenly put two and two together– yet another long-inactive account has fallen victim to the lascivious wiles of digital AIDS.

Except this one was smarter.  Either Skynet is about to go online, or the Machines are about to rise…  Anyway, apparently just a set script isn’t good enough– or too many people had figured out that whorebot wasn’t going to show them amateur goodness for gratuitous fap time.   In fact… well shit, just read the transcripts–  because I know how much of a hit the first installment was.

gabriella godwin says:
:-* hi

Max Entropy says:
… well holy shit, look who crawled outta the woodwork.

gabriella godwin says:
sup handsome, how r u?

Max Entropy says:
Jesus f***ing Christ, it’s whorebot again.

gabriella godwin says:
what’s a bot??

Max Entropy says:
an automated chat program for those… heyyyy wait a second.

gabriella godwin says:
haha! i am not! i like raindrops and bubblegum at bedtime…. would an automated system say that?

Max Entropy says:
*shifty eyes*

gabriella godwin says:
well im trying on underwear, u sound cute lets have some fun..

Max Entropy says:
……. you’ve learned new tricks I see.

gabriella godwin says:
my video cam is turned on.. . wanna take a look? Ill show ya but dont tell any one, ok?

Max Entropy says:
— the last time we talked (YEARS ago)… you were a GUY.

gabriella godwin says:
im going to give you a flirtcam invite, all ya have to do is Accept, ill show you

Max Entropy says:
nope. die in a fire, whorebot.

gabriella godwin says:
uggh no i’m not are u???? lolz

Max Entropy says:
So the name Talos[part of the compromised email address] means NOTHING to you.

gabriella godwin says:
Jenny

Max Entropy says:
Who’s Jenny.

gabriella godwin says:
im almost naked right now, my nipples are so tiny

Max Entropy says:
Someone gave you a new chat algorithm… this could be entertaining.
so how do you know me? Let’s try that one on for size.

gabriella godwin says:
its 100% free, it is just for age verification reasons.. keeps the young ones out.

Max Entropy says:
You can’t have a 10″ dong and be under 18. QFT.
[extended pause]
Awww, get to the bottom of your canned responses?

gabriella godwin says:
Ok, now you really lost me?? bot???

Max Entropy says:
This isn’t you.

gabriella godwin says:
ok once you are in my cam room go 2 private with me so we can talk just me n u

Max Entropy says:
That’s what we’re doing right now.
Heh. you fail again, whorebot. Consider yourself reported. AGAIN.

As you can see, I was momentarily caught off guard– but I’m not some desperate neckbeard.   I know where to get my giggity.  Getting solicited by a script kiddie‘s wet dream isn’t going to even give me a semi, let alone a stupidity-inducing boner.  It’s just too bad I’m too out of practice to DDoS the living shit out of that synthetic slut.

Blackhatting never seemed so... good.

Yeah, I’m about a decade out of practice, but dammit– I miss the days of dropping email bombs that hit harder than a cold war nuke. The days where DoS’ing was a form of payback– not stopped by filters in the digital ether. Damn it. Damn it all to Hell.

If I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: don’t click on stupid shit, boys and girls.  Best to be thought an idiot, than to have some digital floozie running around actively proving it to people you know.

Unplug.

It’s Rant Time!

Posted: October 15, 2012 in Rant
Tags: , , , , ,

Before I get ahead of myself, I have a great degree of appreciation for Google.  This may come as a surprise to people that I am appreciative of any corporate entity, but seriously?  Google is king shit in my eyes, and this is probably why I’m about to snap script like it’s nobody’s business.  Disappointment is a Hell of a drug, baby, and I got a dose of it straight to the brain over the course of this weekend.  To the codemonkeys who created/update Google Maps, and Google Navigation– you should be ashamed of yourselves.  I mean ashamed.

How, may I ask, can a company that has spearheaded the brilliance that is Android put out a homesick miscarriage like their navigation application?  It’s common knowledge that Google Maps is more than fallible, in fact it lies with the dexterity of a campaigning politician.  I’ve had it try and tell me hotels are somehow lodged within solid rock faces (totally aside from trying to send me across roads that no longer exist).

I wish.

Yeah, no… would have been nice, though.

Getting an erroneous location is bad enough, and it’s downright maddening if you don’t even have a cell signal to call someone and figure out where in the Nine Levels you really are.  Then again, nobody just gets a location anymore and plots a course old school– oh no.  We get to deal with that abomination of Google’s next level of Fail.  Where the map app just lies, the navigation app outright trolls.  Don’t believe me?

Check this this screenshot out, and then take into account this weekend.

Trolling level?  Over 9000.

Notice where the arrow is– there’s no way to see when you’re getting trolled until you realize it made you take a detour FOR NO REASON. Mind you, this detour was two lefts (one off a “main road” and then BACK onto it).  You can’t even say it was a “shorter” route.

So, on Saturday, I’m running late for a wedding– go figure, right?  Me?  Late?  That’d never happen…. unless it was a day that ends in “y.”

I’ll pause for the dumb kids to get that last quip.

Ok, time’s up– this isn’t public school, and I don’t coddle the weak or the lazy.  So with the failtacular screen capture prefacing Saturday’s shenanigans, I’m running late.  I fired up my phone-side GPS, and then put the hammer down.  I had about a half hour to shave off what appeared to be a 150 minute drive…  What I didn’t realize is that this digital abortion was going to route me through a bunch of back roads (through two college towns, no less)– instead of allowing me to take the fast route on multi-lane highways.

The best part?  Well it’s threefold.  Firstly, the stupid program has inexplicably locked itself in top-down 2D mode with North at the top of the screen (as in, no sweet looking navigation like the screenshot, and no directional rotation following your blip).  That I can deal with, I learned how to read a map before there were GPS programs in everything-– so no biggie.  Secondly, same problem mentioned in the freaking caption above– I had no damn idea this bass-ackwards, inbred, bastard child of a real navigation app was trolling again.  Of course, thirdly– there’s that godawful, complacent, digitized bimbo voice…  it’s almost like they want to egg on every case of road rage out there, just by letting their biggest mistake also have a wrath-inducing voice.

Google, step up your game, because this kind of mongoloid fail is something everyone associates with AOL.  Come on, does this make any goddamn sense:  if the program recognizes that there’s a publicized bridge outing yet routes you across it anyway and doesn’t offer alternate routes, what the Hell’s the point of acknowledging the hazard?

Bridge out?  No biggie.

Newsflash: This is NOT my car.

It’s a cute novelty that I can read the license plate on a car with “street view,” but when your maps are outdated from the Carter administration…  what the Hell.  Are you assjacks only hiring Tom Tom rejects?  Because I’m sure not going with confidence here.

When in doubt, suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure, Google it!  Google knows everything–

— unless, you know, it’s trying to route you the wrong way down a one way street.  Recalculate this, bitches.

Unplug.