An open letter…

Posted: September 10, 2011 in Rant

I realize this is a digression from my usual self-deprecation, and self-inflicted gimp humor, however there’s something that needs to be said– in my devastatingly honest idiom.  I have at least a dozen friends in the US Armed Services, and I feel they’ve been done a grievous disservice at the hands of an affluent brat– one comically named “Soulja Boy.”

Before I start in on this thoughtless public figure, let’s get the so-called facts straight.  In his song “Let’s Be Real,” he is unmistakably clear with his choice of words.   The focal point of this controversy is here:

“F**k the F.B.I. and f**k all the Army troops
Fighting for what, bitch? Be your own man”

Am I taking this out of context?  Nope.  My degree is in writing, and I’ve spent more than my fair share of time working with poetry.  Rap music, generally speaking, is an urban approach to poetry– and a successful one at that, regardless of your personal tastes and avocations.  Soulja Boy has clearly chosen his words carefully.  Of course, now that there has been public outrage over his gratuitous shot at the US Army, he has put up a public apology.  This apology is, in paraphrased words of a friend of mine, as sincere as the snake in the Garden of Eden saying to Eve, “Whoops!  My bad!” after God gave ’em the boot.

“As an artist, I let my words get the best of me.  Sometimes there are things that we feel, things that we want to express, and when we put them on paper and speak them out loud, they can come out wrong.”

You, sir (and I am using the term as loosely as I ever will again), are a liar.  Do you honestly think that we are going to believe that not once during production was your lyric called into question?  Do you seriously believe that we are going to consider this was a simple oversight?  Not only are you a liar, you lie with less credibility than Anthony Weiner saying that his Twitter got hacked.  Like with the congressman, anyone with a brain in their head knows that this “apology” is a load of bullshit on a cartoonish scale.

Let’s call a spade a spade here, if your problem was truly with the issues that your lip-service apology cite, you would have taken the path that artists have taken since Vietnam, and boiled it down to saying, “F**k the government,” “F**k your war,” et cetera, et cetera, ad nauseum.  If you truly are an “artist” as you claim, you know how to get your point across–  and now you deserve to reap the repercussions of your chosen words.


Wearing Malcom X glasses is an insult to his intelligence. You aren't anywhere near his league, so take them off. Seriously, give it up.

Now to take the gloves off.  You chose your words carefully, now taste mine.  The First Amendment legally protects your hate speech.  You are legally able to speak these words of hate, due to the sacrifices made by the very servicemen and women that you insulted.  That’s all your lyric boils down to, hate speech, making you no better than The Westboro Baptist Church.  Actually, being a public figure— one that millions listen to– this act makes you worse than a bunch of classless fanatics.

If you have a problem with war, with the government, or the social issues that you claimed in your apology– you would have lyrically taken that path.  Instead, you turned around and opened fire on the very same people that protect the obscenely lavish lifestyle that you love.  I think you realized that your relevance as an “artist” was waning, and this was another poorly-plotted publicity stunt– just like lying about buying yourself a jet with a $55 million price tag.

Your lyric was not a simple case of your words running away with you, as you’ve claimed.  If this controversy stemmed from a live event, and you’d spouted your bullshit on the fly, we could have classified you as a thoughtless prick like Kanye West— and accepted your apology.  We all have said things in the moment that we later regretted.  That’s why Kanye’s faux pas is all but forgiven and forgotten, because it was a momentary attack of the dumbass.

Yours was premeditated.  Yours went through production.  Yours had hours of work put into it.  Others saw and heard your speech, and your abomination still made it to the public– because you allowed it, no matter what kind of face-saving bullshit you’re pulling.

No, Soulja Boy, I will not believe, nor accept, your hollow apology.  You are only sorry because people took notice of what you said, and called you on it.  If you believed the words went too far– you would have stopped it at some point before it hit the ‘net.  I’m throwing down a challenge to you right now, one that will probably never get beyond the readers of my blog— but I’m going there anyway.  I don’t have to apologize for words that I have chosen very carefully.

If you truly support the men and women who have fought to protect America, and you are willing to make amends– it’s time for you to give back.  Give the entire proceeds of your upcoming album to The Wounded Warrior Project— after all, you’re freaking rich.  You have plenty of money (something that you love to put in the spotlight), and you’re going to make more music, right?  If you truly want to make amends, it’s time for you to man up— and support men and women who know more about being “hard” than you ever will.  Veterans, especially these wounded– they’ve given up more than any should ask of them, in defense of the country that has legally protected your right to be a self-centered assjack.  Although they chose the military lifestyle– they have no choice about what fights they must undertake, a fact many people conveniently ignore.  Whether or not they chose the military out of patriotism, to support a family, or for personal ambition is immaterial– they deserve, at very least, silent respect regardless of your sociopolitical stance.

Put up or shut up, Soulja Boy.  I doubt a crass liar like you would properly try and atone for your douchebaggery, because you lack the maturity to set a proper example as a public figure.  Your lyric proves it.  Prove the rest of America wrong, and do the right thing–

Otherwise, I doubt anyone would protest if you beer-bong some Drano and fix what your mother’s coat hanger didn’t.


  1. Zombie says:

    In choosing your words as carefully as you did, was there just a hint of racism in your “let’s call a spade a spade” comment, or did your words get the best of you? On EVERY other point I agree 110%.

    • Absolutely not… in fact, I must confess a bit of confusion– I was using a common euphamism, and always assumed a playing card reference and never knew otherwise. No race card to be pulled here, just genuine outrage.

  2. […] now that I’ve recovered from my anaphylactic reaction to douchebaggery, we can all get back to something we can all enjoy– me bagging on myself with extreme […]

  3. Dana says:

    I love this!

  4. Boo says:

    this article was great!!! and as for the comment about ur spades euphamism…….no need to defend urself either way becuz he deserves it..he is a douchebag 110%

  5. […] thanks to those who’ve swung with me from day one, through snot-nosed whining, and beyond justified wrath to where I am today—  still recovering from wrist surgery.  Thanks for making this, at very […]

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