Aw dammit…

Posted: May 18, 2014 in Rant, Uncategorized

Sometimes the only peace people can find in their lives comes at the end, whatever way that end may come.  I want you to think about that for a second; quickly tally up the people you know who struggle through what the world throws at them—and as a result of what their own hands have wrought.  Have you run out of fingers yet?

If you haven’t, you are either one privileged (read: sheltered) human being… or some world-class kind of anti-social loner.  I’m talking sociopath grade here.  For the majority of us, we’re one of those fingers being tallied—but hey, isn’t that part of life?  Damn right.

It took me 34 years, but I now personally know someone who lost an ongoing battle with addiction. Sad part is, most of us saw the writing on the wall long ago.  I’m not usually one to eulogize, but I sincerely hope he’s finally found peace.

I worked with Matty at the Olive Garden many years ago.  We’re talking 2005-6ish… He was in my training class, and yeah—back in those days I partied hard.  We all did; we were restaurant staff in a corporately-owned establishment.  It’s a job and a special kind of Hell.  The circle you land in merely depends on the day.  Getting wrecked is kind of the default way to cope with the endless parade of thankless assjacks that make up the brunt of the clientele.

By the way, they would all say that I'm totally Naomi.

This is actually not far from the truth, some nights.

Matty took it to a whole new level, and apparently it was only the beginning.  Mom always told me to be wary of people stranger than me… and my corollary to that rule is to keep some distance from people who can party in ways that make me look like I’m still playing pin the tail on the donkey.  Seeing how I don’t deal well with death in general, I guess I’m thankful that we did lose touch (outside of Facebook) over the past few years.

Matty was a nice guy.  He was funny.  He had an almost intuitive way of brightening your mood even if you didn’t tell anyone you were having a shitty day.  He had a mischievous wit, and a delightfully catty way of putting things.  When people think of an addict, Matty’s definitely not the kind of guy who comes to mind.  That’s not saying he didn’t have his faults, but I think those were more from what he was doing than who he was.  It’s sad, really, because we all knew he had problems.   In fact, when I got the first text message cluing me in— my response was (verbatim) “Suicide or overdose?”

It sounds like a callous response, but most of the people who knew him would find that to be a perfectly justifiable question.  That, right there, speaks volumes.  It’s sad situation all the way around, because Matty was a pretty nice guy—and not without friends.  He had friends who care about him, were willing and wanting to be there to help.  He knew it too.  Yet when it came down to it, my friend was alone at the end.  Addiction destroys everything.  It’s just too bad.  There’s really no other way to put it.

Ladies ‘n’ gents, seriously, if you truly have a problem, an addiction, a compulsion, whatever you want to call it…  don’t try to win at drugs all by yourself.  It’s not just a matter of “the more the merrier,” nor “more for me”– if you don’t have teammates to cart your ass off the field when something goes horribly wrong, you won’t be the one to suffer for it… everyone else will.  And if you can’t find teammates to join you— take the hint that something’s gotta change.  Everyone you know will appreciate it.

Matt, I hope you’ve finally found the peace that you couldn’t seem to find in life.



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