It’s all about plausibility–

Posted: March 19, 2014 in Humor
Tags: , , , ,

Let’s face it, nobody knows what happened to Malaysian Flight 370.  Every media outlet is trying to cash in on the ratings frenzy because oh my God, it’s not like we don’t have enough to not report on… you know, corruption on Capitol Hill, NSA overreach, Russians in Crimea (what century is this?)…

Let me put this flying tin can to rest– because I have FIVE more plausible explanations for what happened to Flight 370 than the shit being over-broadcast….

Number Five!!
4 8 15 16 23 42

STFU.  You laughed.

ZOMFGWTFBBQ, which one of you assholes played the cursed numbers?!

Number Four!!
Interdimensional rift

That’s right, Walter Bishop is at it again… or would it be Walternate? Damned if I know, but it explains how a whole fucking plane vanished into the same thin air it was flying through– yet the government knows where I took my last shit.

Ladies and gentlemen-- ask this man.  Your answer may depend on which universe you live in...

Alright, which one of you broke reality? …. and was it on purpose?

Number Three!!
There was no plane in the first place.

Try this one on for size, tinfoil hatters.  Stolen passports? Conspiracy theories? Yeah, eat a bag of dicks—the whole plane was a ruse to hide something far more sinister. Sure explains the stolen passports magically being associated with the flight, now don’t it?

Number Two!!
Aliens

I'm surprised nobody said it before.

Because they needed more genetic diversity in their test subjects than can be obtained from inbred hicks.

And now, drumroll please…

I’m waiting.

Why aren’t you drumming?!

Number One!!!1!!(one)!!
Amelia Earhart finally got lonely.

…so she shot the motherfucker down.

Damning evidence?  I think so.

SEE?!?!

Dispute me all you want, these all make a lot more sense than the glorified conjecture, hearsay, and horseshit you’ll find on all the major media outlets.  I’ll take my Nobel now.

Unplug.

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