*brain melts*

Posted: November 19, 2013 in Self-Deprecation
Tags: , ,

I’ve had some pretty entertaining lunch breaks in the past, from the famed “three martini lunch” to getting 10″ chopped off my head.  This one, hands down, was the weirdest.  As in, my mind is still filled with fuck at what I discovered.  It all started with finding cat puke on the floor.

I know, this doesn’t start as an awesome or crazy lunch break.

After cursing out the cat again, because dammit it’s in every room that doesn’t have linoleum, I opened the blinds to our third floor porch.  At this point, I’m only a little confused by what I saw.

Wait a tic...

Now why would Cortana stack the chairs like that?

So I text my loving wife with this picture, and she told me that she didn’t do it.

Well, I didn’t do it… and I’m sure Pukey the Cat sure as Hell didn’t do it.  Now, if your brains don’t hurt enough now– look at how those chairs are stacked.  Looks pretty deliberate, doesn’t it?  Since that’s the side of the porch opposite the AC unit, I figured I’d take a ridiculous long shot and ask the property manager.

He was clueless.  Now, at this point, most people are only halfway as mindfucked as I am.  On top of this, nobody has been visiting– and nothing else is out of place in or outside the apartment– right down to the citronella candle on the floor.  The only things disturbed were the plastic lawn furniture.

To properly quote Mr. Spock, “If you eliminate the impossible, whatever is left– no matter how improbable– must be the truth.”

Since I know it’s not a fucking cloaked bird of prey, I can only deduce one thing:

YOU explain it then!

Fuck you, Spiderman.

Seriously, I got nothing here.



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