Correct me if I’m wrong…

Posted: November 14, 2013 in Rant
Tags: , , ,

… but in order to mount a successful advertising campaign based upon your own fame, don’t you have to be a little more fresh than a used rubber found behind a college kid’s dorm room bed?  Interestingly enough, I’m about to make fun of Britney Spears– who last enjoyed fame for being something besides a total train wreck sometime before I graduated college.

... if you're gonna reference the fact that it spanned a geological epoch, eat me.

Yes, I realize that’s a period now qualified as ancient history…

So yeah, been watching a lot of Hulu+ because fuck cable, and the service is prone to repeating the same commercials with a gusto not found outside of local radio.  One ad in particular is a Kohl’s fragrance being hawked by none other than the biggest ex-bald chick since Sinead O’Connor.  Except with Sinead, I don’t have to worry about catching a compound case of herpegonnasyphilaids from letting her borrow a hat.

I can only imagine what this stanky stuff smells like.  Oh– it scorches my sinuses now, that delectable combination of Natty Light, vagiclean, sweat, and shame.  Yes, it just makes me want to drop my pants right now– the barely resistible thought of my mate reeking of desperation dusted with irrelevance.

I’m not sure who’s more stupid in this situation– the trailer park queen slapping her name on a perfume, or Kohl’s thinking that sponsoring a used-up catcher’s mitt was a good idea in the first place.

Under normal circumstances, this is true.

Well… when South Park and Family Guy have completely exhausted their bottomless sacks of bit-part jokes, maybe we’ve found an example of pervasive and circuitous fail.

If I’m not mistaken, and I’m pretty sure I’m not, the only people clearing this fetid fragrance from the shelves either work the street corners or don’t work at all.

Perhaps they should re-purpose this product as a prophylactic.  It’d work like a charm unless pumping a chemical toilet is the kind of thing that makes you scream “Hit Me, Baby, One More Time.”

Oh yeah, that’s the kind of “Toxic” the best of us crave.



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