So sick of martyrs…

Posted: August 1, 2013 in Rant
Tags: , , , ,

Oh woe is me, I’ve been hammering away at the keyboard at random intervals at random levels of sobriety for two years now.  Poor, abused, rebuilt, re-abused Jill 2.0 toils away at my labored one-liners, pandering puns, and solipsistic sarcasm.  Oh how she slaves at this keyboard oh so rarely, because…  oh fuck it, I can’t whine about this shit.  I can bench 200 again as a training weight because my second Tough Mudder is exactly 23 days away.  That’s right, ladies and laddies, as predicted– people will be following T.H.E.M. to the finish line again.

However, this isn’t about hubristic narcissism– because we all know I can’t go a day without that.

I'd do me.  I'd do me so hard.

Fie on the base language of this blog, I give thee ART!

That’s right, the proud and self-loving aren’t prone to martyring themselves– and frankly this whole “boo hoo, look at me rise above when I’m really not doing shit” trend needs to die in a fire.  I would normally take a moment to put some kind of kitschy flaming death image here– but I ran into something today that filled my mind with fuck.

Not the good kind, either.

I’m talking the kind that causes normal people (and in this case, I qualify– which makes the upcoming argument that much more compelling) want to punt puppies.  Instead of going into further comedic description, how about I just link you to this amalgamated fuckpile of fail.  Was that new to you?  Maybe you’ve tripped over some permutation of this steaming pile of Sarah McLachlan.

Jesus Heisenberg Christ in Schrodinger’s Box!

Enough already, people!

You cannot fathom the sheer quantity of fuck that I cannot give about your "issue."

This is still art.

Here’s a newsflash people, we’re stuck in a little thing called “life,” and the last time I checked– we all have another nice little thing called “choices.”  I know there’s one of those dickhead devil’s advocate types out there that is going to bring up the unlikely “what if there’s a gun to your head” scenario, and I have one thing to say to that.

If you find yourself in that very unlikely situation, you have clearly fucked up enough choices to end up there, so you may as well opt to go face to bullet and save the rest of us the aggravation of dealing with you.  Either that or you’re getting mugged, it sucks to be you, but you still have the option to go down swinging.  There’s a really dirty pun in there somewhere, but I’ll leave that one for you.


Point is– we all have choices in life.  Tonight, I chose to stay home and not go to the gym like a boss because I had the sniffles– and dribbling from the nose while at the gym just sucks.  I have chosen to act like a little bitch.  Otherwise, ladies and laddies, here’s a newsflash (and I’ll even italicize and center it for those of you skimming):

You are directly responsible for what happens to you in life.
Anything else is an excuse.

Go ahead, choose to be a victim, and trumpet how you are stronger for continuing to make the same choices that caused you to be in that situation in the first place.

I’m going to mock you for being a pathetic waste of life and continue to do things to better myself.  So step up your approach to life, or shut the fuck up.  I’m too busy being awesome to care about your struggle to perpetuate your own failure.


  1. misscapri says:

    Oh my heck! This one’s getting smashed!

    * * *

    Chain: See that girl you just called fat?

    Miss Capri: *Scowl* I never make fun of people’s appearances, you self-important drip…

    Chain: Shes filling herself with diet pills.

    Miss Capri: You can thank the food-cop agenda and the media for that…

    Chain: The girl you just called anorexic?

    Miss Capri: If she’s starving herself, that’s what she is. again, blame the pro-food-cop media for that appearance-obsession.

    Chain: She has something wrong with her body.

    Miss Capri: *Scowl* The only thing wrong with her body is that it’s getting starved in a vicious self-abuse. If it wasn’t for starving herself and whatever caused her to go on this obsession, there’d be nothing the matter.

    Chain: The girl you just called Ugly?

    Miss Capri: Why is it always just girls with you? Don’t you realize that guys have feelings too, and experience the same things when they get called ugly? And BTW, I never refer to appearance when I call someone ugly. When I say someone’s ugly, I’m talking about their attitude.

    Chain: She spends hours trying to do her makeup so people will like her,

    Miss Capri: *Rolling eyes* Get over it, girl, and get a life…

    Chain: the boy you just tripped up?

    Miss Capri: I don’t go around tripping people, jerk. You wouldn’t happen to be that Gary Stu who saved Kyle from killing himself over some overgrown bully brats who never should’ve been let past third grade by any chance?

    Chain: Hes abused enough at home.

    Miss Capri: Oh, for the love! No, he isn’t, the Kyle story never said anything about that. And what the heck is with this “abused enough” garbage? Just – what – the – freaking – ? Look, when people get enough of something, it’s something they need/want/deserve, enough food, enough sleep, enough recognition. But your saying he gets “enough abuse” at home implies there’s such thing as not getting enough abuse, and man, that is just sick! *Scowl* But it fits your mentality. You obviously think people don’t get “enough” false guilt-tripping by way of this stupid glurge.

    Chain: See that man with the ugly scars?

    Miss Capri: *Rolling eyes* Let me guess, you’re the Amy Bruce hoaxer and you think war veterans are ugly, but instead of taking responsibility for your own ugly attitude, you try to pin it on everyone else.

    Chain: He was fighting for his country.

    Miss Capri: I knew that was coming, nailed it, BINGO! *reaches up and gets gold star off shelf*

    Chain: That guy you just made fun of for crying?

    Miss Capri: *Scowl* If you knew anything about me at all, you’d know what an utterly, stupidly wrong fantasy of yours that is! I don’t make fun of appearances, I do not make fun of people when they cry! I don’t have any patience/tolerance for people who just turn on the crocodile tears just to get their own way and manipulate others around them, but I also have to suppress a strong urge to throttle anyone I catch making fun of someone who’s crying for a reason. I also feel like a complete heel whenever I’m made to realize I’ve done something careless/thoughtless/wreckless/out of anger etc. that causes someone else to cry.

    Chain: His mothers dying.

    Miss Capri: *Facepalm* Oh – Ruddy – heck, you’re just full of sick fantasies, aren’t you? “Let’s see how cruddy I can make everyone who reads this and give them a false sense of sadness/guilt/shame so they’ll feel too crappy to think clearly and will just spread this piece of tripe everywhere! *Scowl*

    Chain: The girl you just made fun of for having no hair?

    Miss Capri: *Headdesk* For the freaking last time! I – DO – NOT – make fun of people’s appearances!

    But trust you to fall back on the old favourite trick of chain letter glurges, the big ol’ cancer card! *Rolling eyes in extreme irritation*

    Chain: Well shes suffering with cancer.

    Miss Capri: *Scowl Pfft* I nailed that one right on the head too. *Gets another gold star*

    Chain: I bet 95% of you won’t bother reading all of this

    Miss Capri: *Rolling eyes* And there you go with another favourite trick of these stupid chain letters, the old “Only a few special truly altruistic snowflakes will read and spread this crap, the vast majority won’t because they gots no hearts!” Bollox!

    Chain: but I’m sure the people with a heart will♥

    Miss Capri: *Glare* Oh, right, that works. “I have such a big heart that I’m just going to read and pass this message on to everyone else and make them feel as crappy as I did when reading this chain letter!” No. It goes like this:

    I have a heart, so I’m not about to add more unnecessary downers to people’s lives with this chain letter and make them feel shamed for stuff they didn’t do, or patronized for being a little chunky, a little scrawny, a veteran, using too much makeup, telling them that since they came down with cancer, they stopped being a person and turned into another cancer stat, make them relive their bad old school days, or make sure they actually get this thing when they are losing a loved one…

    I mean, how heartless would it be sending this around to people who are in any of those situations!?

    Pretty dang bad!

    the fact is, if you have a heart, you won’t inflict this drivel on anyone else!

  2. misscapri says:

    Yep. I was yelling at the originator of the viral, not at you. I’ve made it my mission on the internet to not merely break, but smash such chain letters because they are such deceptive, head-gaming trash, and I get so sick of friends&family and others getting duped, emotionally manhandled, whatever, into spreading this dreck.

    • Then you and I are cut from the same cloth! I thought that was what you were doing, but my brain is in five places at once right now. Have a great one!

      • misscapri says:

        Hehe. *Grin* Thanks. Yeah, virals, (annoying at best, bullying, libellous, fraudulent at worst) passive-aggressiveness, found in both real people and in heart-yanking chain letters, and – fandoms! AKA fan cults. The bronies, otaku, Twi-hards, Directioners, etc. All of which drive me insane!

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