There’s something… missing…

Posted: May 22, 2013 in Self-Deprecation
Tags: , , , ,

I know this has bothered a lot of you, and it’s something that needs to be addressed.  There’s a certain… favored word in this English language that is… profoundly represented in my conversational vocabulary.  If you don’t know what word I’m referencing, I’m betting that one of the following two things are true:

A:  You really don’t know me very well.
B:  You’re f***ing stupid.

Honestly, if you don’t get it now, please do this world (and the human genome) a favor and go beer bong some Drano to fix what your mother’s coat hanger clearly missed.  Your grab bag of genetic party favors is like the shitty door prize that nobody wants at a benefit dinner.  Stop laughing, this isn’t funny– I’m trying to prevent Idiocracy here.

Anyway.

NSFW!!!

Yeah. Duck.

Some of you may have noticed that I was back to throwing fuck around like a dog marking the neighborhood for the brunt of my Cracked.com article— and wondered why I still kept things PG-13 around here.  I’ve been asking myself the same question.  For fuck’s sake, I’ve been read over 834,00 times over there– why should I give a flying fuck about watching my language here?  This little collection of gimp, drunk, fart, and jobless jokes hasn’t even gone over 9,000 yet (8,600 and change).

Abstaining from the occasional “fuck” is about as moot as…  you know what?  You make this joke.  I’m declaring a “gimme” and this is one double entendre that just makes itself.  I’ve tossed this fucker up for grabs, somebody grab the alley-oop.  Knock yourselves out like a double roofie in a vodka tonic, fuck– why don’t you complete it in the comments below?  Let’s have a little contest to see who’s got wit.

Anyway, I digress.

Back to the topic at hand: one of my top three four-lettered “F words.”  Fuck, you’d think it’d be liberating to write as I am wont to speak (fuck you, that’s not a typo.  Grab a fucking dictionary, you’re not getting a link for this one.)   Since I edit as I go, I can’t help but feel like I’m toeing the line of gratuitous fuckery with every other sentence.

HOLD OUT YOUR STOCKINGS, KIDS!!!

So yeah…  In other news, I went to look up the terms “gratuitous fuckery” and “gratuitous assholery” for this quasi-random image… first picture on Google Image Search for the latter came from this blog… then found 5 other pictures.  Therefore– Spiderman thread.

Yes, I have a thing for four-lettered F words.  My favorite three, in no particular order, are:  free, fuck, and food.  While you process that, I will now cue you in on the best 12-letter sentence I can think of, “Fuck– free food!”  For those of you who aren’t fans of the hyphenate sentence structure (fucking English teachers) I propose, “Free food?  Fuck!”

So yes, with Pandora’s Box wide open like a hooker working a 7-Eleven, there’s no turning back.  Play my music, Lunchbox.

Unplug.

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