… Full Circle

Posted: February 10, 2013 in Self-Deprecation
Tags: , ,

One year ago this coming Wednesday, Ash Wednesday to be specific, I threw an epic-level shitfit that turned out to define my 2012.  Seeing how it’s a year later, I guess my gift of impeccable hindsight is really showing me the error of acting with integrity.  It’s true, ladies and germs, karma is a lazy bitch who is about as useful as the flying spaghetti monster.

So yes, a bit of backstory on that nebulous entry that left everyone scratching their heads as to what “ethical concerns” meant.  A year ago, I waltzed my happy ass into work as an Urban Pirate (referenced here), and was met with a mind-rending case of WTF that startled even me.  As an assistant manager, I was responsible for the conduct of my account reps.  If those dudes (and occasionally chicks) screwed up, it was my ass on the frying pan– and rightfully so.  Working RTO is a special kind of employment that is part delivery, part service, part collections, and pure insanity.  Getting in a fight with a falling refrigerator, and subsequently winning the battle (read: catching that sucker like a boss), was the cause of the catastrophic injury to Jill 1.0.

When I came back from the famed Injured Reserve list, we were all assured that although they’d hired to fill my position while gone– all of our jobs were perfectly safe.  I suspected that this was a lie, and a year ago this Wednesday, that lie came to light as I was informed that one of my subordinates was going to be laid off with scarcely 3 days notice.

Declarations of bullshit abound.

… same amount of outrage, just less shooting people in the face.

Backstory: this dude had been hired back to the company (after having been with the company for roughly a year) after another job offer had gone sour solely because he was a hard worker and seriously reliable.  Unlike other coworkers and subordinates, this dude (although not the sharpest spoon in the box of crayons) never gave me a problem and busted his ass for me.

Needless to say, I snapped script.  First off, I really don’t take kindly to being lied to– and that’s what it was, a time-delayed lie.  Secondly, well, if you’re going to hold me accountable for someone else’s work performance– you’d damn well better believe I’m gonna stand up for them when they’ve done nothing wrong.

Ladies and gentlemen, mistake numero uno— doing the right thing.

Stuff a dick in it, Wilde.  Nobody asked you.

…. Don’t judge me.

… so I personally rattled the chain of command all the way up to my regional director, something my district manager referred to as “ballsy.”  Seeing how he, inexplicably, has a same appreciation of metal that I do– the fact that I clank when I walk should have been no surprise.  What I didn’t know was that my sabre rattling was heard by a senior VP, but I’ll get to that in a second.

You see, my former company has a nice little “mission statement” that preaches from the heavens their high ideals of doing the right thing, bettering the quality of life for their customers and employees, and having a heart.  Ladies and Gentlemen, if I’ve said it once–  I’ll say it again– companies aren’t people, so they don’t have hearts, and the fact that Texas hasn’t executed one should be testament enough to that fact.  So, I called them to task on this glowing bit of propagandized bullshit because:

  • We were lied to about all of our jobs being safe.
  • They were ignoring his prior service when it came to determining the “low man” on the totem pole.
  • I volunteered to take the axe because I had accrued vacation time (and was eligible for unemployment), and didn’t have a newborn.  Oh  yeah, did I mention he had a newborn and was the sole breadwinner in the house? (They also knew this.)
  • That Friday, the DM called my manager to inform him that they were going with the “original plan.”  You know, in spite of other “solutions” made.
  • It’s a f***ing rent to own company.

Unsurprisingly, I got a second-hand radio message while I was out chasing deadbeats, so cue the shitstorm.  Phase one:  leave voicemail tirade for the DM (who suddenly wouldn’t answer my calls) directly calling out the fact that “they had too many peasants tilling the fields, so someone’s bonus was in danger.”  Yeah, the voicemail was a thing of beauty– and I apparently ranted so hard that I hit the time limit on the recording.

Me?  Long winded when I’m fired up?  Who’d have guessed?

Stage two?  Oh yeah, went to another store and hopped on one of their terminals– and then blasted the corporate “suggestion box” with a detailed account of the situation.

Part 3– I went back to my store, told the manager that “my headache has made me sick to my stomach” and took the rest of the day off– and told him I was officially calling off the next day.

I'm good at summoning these.

The irony? In spite of having “no solution,” I got a phone call **35** minutes after walking out with a compromise.

So yeah, needless to say, I won the battle– but here is mistake number two.  I knew I’d made myself a target by saving this guy’s job, and in a fit of indignant sanctimony– I decided I wasn’t going to make this company any more money.  Cue bartending job, and that whole pile of fail.  Seriously, I should have let them pick me off– at least then I would have, you know, got freaking unemployment on their dime.

But no, I took the high road– and now, thanks to the events following– 2012 is financially listed in my books as a Biblical fail.  Why?  Because I did the right thing, and went out with my head held high.  As a reward for my good deeds, yeah….

My readers, take it from me:

Slit throats and keep a bus schedule handy, because people are bastard coated bastards with bastard filling– and nobody will give you tangible props for doing the right thing.  Good karma?  Yeah, that’s just about as effective as bad karma– ain’t that right, Ray Lewis?

Looking back a year later, yup.  I made quite a few mistakes in 2012 for the sake of being the “good guy.”  I’m going to get everything I can out of 2013– whether 2013 likes it or not.  It started with the Cracked article (that I’ve been paid for, yet hasn’t been published).

This week, yeah, sealing the deal on the job I don’t want– because it has two things I want: a paycheck and benefits.  Oh yeah, that and I’d get to work with a good buddy of mine as the other supervisor.  Make that three.

*cue music*

Unplug.

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