Against the rules?

Posted: November 9, 2012 in Humor, Self-Deprecation
Tags: , ,

I’m sure you’ve all heard of Movember, right?  I mean with the advent of social media, you’d have to have the social awareness of a castaway on a deserted island to not have been exposed to it, right?  Screw it, click the link, I need to take a minute to snap Jill 2.0 back into place.  Oh yeah, in other news, I’m a walking barometer on a scale previously unexpected– but that’s another issue entirely.

Back to the bastardizations of November.  I’m sure you didn’t click that link up above (and yes, I know when you do and don’t), because you’re already aware of what it is.  It’s a plenary indulgence for people to pretend like they’ve made some kind of social impact or raised awareness.  Newsflash, you twits–  unless you’ve made some kind of donation or done volunteer work, you’re as ineffectual as some idiot clicking “like” on Facebook and thinking it’s gonna catch Kony.  The only difference is, you’re letting your follicles do the clicking– and your ‘stache isn’t nearly as impressive as your girlfriend’s.

You can't even get a half-Selleck.

Your mustache will never be half as effective as his.

Enough of that crapola– on to something better.  It’s more gratuitous, and therefore much more relevant to the world– it’s No-Shave November.  My cousin, a man far more effective at growing facial hair than I, is a proud participant.  After all, he can grow a full out caveman beard faster than I can crank out a 5 o’clock shadow.  No joke, he was rocking a Zach Galifianakis before I could even fill out a beard.  His face is a phenomenon… and every year he participates in gratuitous manliness.

I do Tough Mudders.  I think we’re even…  maybe not, he works at Girls Gone Wild.

However– this leads to the most amusing, and far less known, 11th month “undertaking”:  No-Fap November.  Maturity level?  Out the friggin’ window, baby.

... or if you're a lady, no "double-clicking the mouse"

I didn’t get Jill rebuilt for this!

Now I have one question–  I mean, it’s pretty obvious that it’s a self-control challenge, and you’re talking to a guy with enough willpower to snap an addiction in half on a whim.  Seriously, I’ve got an addictive personality on a scale rarely seen outside of Hollywood– it’d take nothing short of my asinine stubbornness to keep that penchant to wax Sheen in check.

Regardless, dammit, this right-handed lefty (or ambi for all intensive purposes) is more entertained by the concept than actually participating.  I don’t have anything to prove.  It’s clear the teenagers that came up with this comical challenge weren’t too…  experienced in the ways of the world.  I’d be willing to put a $20 that the extent of their exposure to females involves gym class and internet porn.  However, my question is this:  is it breaking the rules to deploy the stormtroopers via a different *ahem* method?  What if another *ahem* commandant *ahem* “orders” their deployment?

Savor that.

However, inquiring minds want to know…  is it a violation of the rules?  Or just the spirit of the rules?

I know that in a battle of beards, my cousin would humiliate me– but he is horrendously outmatched for No-Fap November.  Well.  That and he’s playing with a weapons-grade handicap.



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