Victory is mine!

Posted: November 26, 2011 in Self-Deprecation
Tags: , , ,

If there’s one thing that I do, especially when I have a tech issue that illogically cannot be explained, I walk the Hell away from the program to prevent laptop defenestration.  Since using the Lappy of Doom as a discus is just an all-around horrendous idea (and I still don’t think Jill could handle a discus toss just yet), I walked away from WordPress for a month.  I love it when a plan comes together, because everything is working properly again!

Goes to prove, the code of the slacker has come through for me yet again.  Follow the path of least effort, you will inevitably get the desired results without breaking a motha-farkin’ sweat.  So, where to begin?

I'm Baaaaack!

All play and no work makes Bill more entertaining for later! Yes, I'm feeling a bit backed up...

I know you’ve all missed me, missed my cripple-related shenanigans, and are probably still waiting for the results of the epic zombie hunter costume.  That’s all well and good, and I will be more than happy to indulge you all in the most gratuitous ways possible– as soon as my happy ass gets back in the groove.

Let’s see, where do I start?  Well, Black Friday came and went (with my usual boycott).  It’s pretty freaking disturbing how much people bank on this stupid marketing gimmick.   Can we pause for common sense here, since apparently the American populace will pause for just about any stupid gimmick thrown their way?   I mean seriously, Black Friday is more cash driven and fake than a Kardashian Wedding.  Why in the Nine Levels of Hell would you opt to cut short your Thanksgiving Food Coma to go immerse yourself in the dregs of American society?  Seriously, if I were minding my own business in a store– and some walking grab bag of genetic party favors breaks out the pepper spray— guarantee that Rosie would be cracking windpipes instead of scrambling for merchandise.   I still can’t believe she got away, but I angrily digress.

No wait, back up, even Jill is clenching a fist over this thought.  I realize that these days, having a functional family unit is a luxury.  I realize that most people need to be drunk to be around their family and not want to whoop some wholesale holiday ass.  Seriously, though?  It’s not bad enough that I was seeing Christmas decorations up before Halloween (you know, before my WordPress interface bit the big one).  You truly have to be a walking pile of crap to encroach upon Thanksgiving as if it were just another freaking day of the year.  In fact, I’m not sure who the bigger pile of crap is– the corporate fat cats who are pushing back the opening times, or the horde of mindless lemmings who indulge their sales quotas.   Sure, the economy’s in the crapper– but by who’s standards?  If the economy is as bad as we’re told it is, can someone shed light on why traffic patterns have not changed?  Perhaps they can shed light on how Black Friday continues to be a walking cash cow?

Wait.  Wait a second.  I need to breathe.  I seem to have come back with far more vitriol than when I left.  Time for an attitude adjustment

Perhaps one of this ilk.

You know the words! Sing to me!

All ranting and raving aside, yes– I’m back.  Update on Jill:  recovering.  I’m still out of work, thanks to some shifty-eyed commentary from my employer.  Jill’s grip is back to about 85%, and the same with the mobility.  The lateral strength is lurking at a mere 40%, and that is what’s preventing me from going back to work.

Luckily for me, the doctor has proscribed excessive gym workouts instead of rehab.  I only have 20 weeks until the Tough Mudder, so this works to my distinct advantage.  But yes, now that I’m back, I’ll be able to blog about being a gimp in the gym… and naturally be just wrong on so many levels.



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