Damn, where’s Bender when you need him?

Posted: November 26, 2011 in Rant
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Some of you may recall a couple months ago when I got propositioned by Whorebot, an automated program trying to give my computer digital AIDS.  Well, just for shenanigans sake, I decided to leave my MSN up and running– just to see if it would try again, after not tracking a single hit.  To my diabolical joy, here’s the transcript of the second attempt by the ol’ robo-hooker to try and slip my laptop the clap without so much as the courtesy of a reach-around.

Behold the amalgamation of fail that probably worked on the stereotypical basement-dweller.

Hot Stuff says
hey baby

Max Entropy says
Jesus christ, you again?

Hot Stuff says

Max Entropy says
Too young for you/yes please/back seat of a cop car

Hot Stuff says
I’m 23/F/FL

Max Entropy says
Damn, not interested. I only like canadian teddy bears.

Hot Stuff says
Do you like to get naughty?

Max Entropy says
If you mean get chased around by nuns with yardsticks, yeah.

Hot Stuff says
thats me in the picture.. i wanna give u a present on webcam im really wet right now and want to do this quick with u

Max Entropy says
Meh. I’ve seen better. Let’s be honest– if you don’t think you can handle a mexican donkey show, you don’t want to tackle my moneymaker.

Hot Stuff says
k go to http://stilltryingtoportrapeyour.box and youll see me warming up for u…. click “accept invite” on the left and once u join & see me we can start to play

Max Entropy says
Listen, whorebot, this didn’t work last time– don’t you keep a log of people who don’t care about the slutty coed’s barely-passable ass you have for a profile pic?

Hot Stuff says
this is how i pay my bills and i don’t f**k my customers but you are making me change my mind

Max Entropy says
You said that last time. How about you pay my bills, and then I’ll think about it. That’s really not that great of an ass. I mean, even the tramp stamp is halfassed.
You know I’m going to post your shit like last time, right?

Hot Stuff says
lol, read the fine print on that page babe..it says session is only $0.00 if a premium member invites you…I’ve been a premium member there for a long time. Trust me I know how the site works I’m a webcam freaklol..

Max Entropy says
Well, we have some deviation from the usual reply-bot text. Impressive. Your google image searched ass is still flat with a bit of cellulite, and the last time this was REALLY a viable MSN– it belonged to a guy.
You’re a freak alright.
But not interesting enough for me.

Hot Stuff says
don’t break my heart

Max Entropy says
Awwwww, but that’s the only way for me to climax.
You done, whorebot?


After this little exchange, where I was completely bombed for no particular reason, I had to put ol’ Whorebot on “invisible” because it wouldn’t leave me alone.  I mean it tried daily, and I got bored of it fast.  It didn’t even change its M.O.  I was thinking about chanting in binary to summon Bender to deal with this diseased digital floozie, but it would seem that several dozen clicks on MSN’s “report suspicious account” button was actually “effective.”

Ok, that was a total lie, so you can stop laughing.

Instead of being tracked via IP, and DDoS’ed into /null… Whorebot reinvented itself.  Instead of taking a semester off and finding a modicum of self-respect, it’s trying a whole different idiot-snagging tactic.  It calls itself “$$ Millionaire $$” because yes– if you can’t catch a dipshit with sex, you can catch them with money.  After all, if someone’s sitting at their computer and is dumb enough to fall for one of these– they’re just destined to make boatloads of money.  Right?

In a nutshell, or a can, it's all SPAM.

Open it up! Maybe you'll find boobs. Or Money. Or both? Could it be true?! Really?! Die in a fire.

Seriously people, I’ve said it before– and I’ll say it again.  Free boobs are on porn sites, free money is called welfare, and clicking on anything offering either is sheer stupidity.  Maybe I should come out of stealth mode one of these nights and see what our precious little algorithm has to say now.

It’s not like reporting a compromised account is going to do anything.  After all, how can I expect Micro$oft to investigate Whorebot?  For every one they actually snub, another five crop up thanks to the “user-friendliness” of the internet.  I believe I already handled that tidy bit of social commentary in the last installment.  Check please.


  1. […] crap, apparently Whorebot got upgraded to 2.0!   I hopped onto MSN, minding my little lonesome (even if I was planning to […]

  2. […] surfers to my corner of madness.  Thanks to these stats, I’ve found a useful purpose for the FlirtChat bot– generating gratuitous traffic.  No freaking joke, I get more hits (probably from other […]

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