So I kind of need a muse…

Posted: October 5, 2011 in Self-Deprecation
Tags: , , , ,

Well, here I am, rapidly approaching the three month mark since I went under the knife.  I expected to do a lot of writing, but instead, life got in the way.  Oh well, these things, they do happen.

I have “accomplished” one thing, and it isn’t much of an actual accomplishment.  I managed to get myself into the Writer’s Forum.  Yeah, I realize it was only a handful of keystrokes.  However, for someone who has a veritable library of work and nowhere to go with it– it’s a bit daunting to make this venture.  That’s right, the right handed lefty can do damn near anything– but gets choked when it comes to actually putting his words to the task.  It’s so cruelly ironic, I can’t stop laughing at myself.  No, all bullshit aside, I’m laughing the hardest out of anyone reading this little revelation.  Duke, at this point, would probably say, “I have balls of fail…”

.... about that.

Ok, ok, enough with these shenanigans...

Firstly, need to get the “save-my-balls statement” out of the way in the eyes of God, all females, and my girlfriend.  Ok, here we go:  I’ve found everything I could ask for in her (all giggity aside), and what I type next in no way has any bearing on that.

I need a muse, besides my usual staples of Hemingway-esque (or Poe-esque, depending on your proof) inspiration.  For example, with this whole Cracked thing– if you’re familiar with their style of article, you know that the vast majority of them are factually based.  This really doesn’t limit me, but it does throw a monkey wrench into the brainstorming process.  I can take an idea and go completely postal with it–

–but therein lies the rub.  I need the damn idea.  I need a muse to flip that switch in my he the one that’s probably rustier than Michael Jordan has to be at basketball right about now.  Yes, that was an intentionally chosen metaphor, because he could still mop the floor with the majority of the planet’s population just off the couch.  With practice, I’m positive his legendary skill would show through.  That’s kind of how I view my… ongoing state of epic writer’s block.  Aside from this digital exercise of keeping my wordplay fresh, I haven’t put any palpable amount of prose down in ages.

So, help me.  You’ve all seen the almost schizophrenic variances in my styles and voices.  Although I have my ways of circumventing creative blocks, having this to work on… this would be just the right flavor of amusing to get me going again.  At one point during my last year of college, I could (and often did) slam out 20 pages in one night.  I need that kind of fluidity again, and for once I’m not referring to the distilled variety.

I've actually been inside this plane.

Yes, I'm ordering this much ordinance on the location of my writer's block. It should feel lucky that I called in conventional stuff, and didn't call for the Enola Gay.

Well, with that said, do any of you have a researchable topic that would potentially fit a article?  I need something that hasn’t been done to death, or at least not done there…  I’ll do all the leg work (although being thrown a bone is appreciated), and I might even consider owing a future muse one of my collection of souls.  Yes, I have three besides my own– but how that came to be is irrelevant at this point.

Either that, or if you’re local, I’ll buy you a couple of drinks with the pithy $50 that they pay for articles.  Any sort of gratuity on my part depends on your geography and ethics (provided I can even work with your suggestion).  It’s not about the money here, seriously…  well ok, it is about the money, but not right now— it’s the initial spark that would get the fires going again.  Anyone got a light for me?

For some reason, my lighter seems to be wet.  Of all things of mine to get wet.  Speaking of, Jill needs some PT and I need a shower.


  1. SB says:

    Let me just get my brain rolling, and I’ll get back to you… gauntlet accepted 😉

  2. SB says:

    I’m great at ideas, not so great with the running with them… so do I get the job? 😉

  3. Emily says:

    10 historical Figures with WTF pastimes like nancy reagan and her gratuitous use of the Ouija board

  4. Ashley Pedersen says:

    once again,
    after realizing that the chances of me being the spokesperson for INSOMNIA INC. are fantastically great,
    I found myself stumbling around the internet searching for the thing that’s supposed to hit me square in the face. My prince charming if you will. The thing that I’m supposed to see by chance that wakes me up to life for the first time. PURPOSE.
    Now, of course this particular scenario has played out more times that I would like to admit (openly searching for something better to do with my life without taking the traditional, seemingly boring route) , but I figured this time I might actually write and entry somewhere that would hold more potency than a status update on facebook. Whether that hold truth tonight is up for debate I suppose, though I did find it particular peculiar that when I “googled” the word that wouldn’t escape my mind (muse)…I found your entry.
    I’d love to believe that I could be someone’s muse. The thought actually thrills me…and somewhere at the bottom of the deepest pocket of my mind, I am. This could just be due to the fact that I am extremely ADHD, extremely scattered, intuitive, and existential.
    This could be potentially the dumbest thing you’ve ever read…I really wouldn’t be able to tell you what I just wrote if I were saying this to you in person. That’s how incredibley random and quickly thoughts both enter and leave my thoughts. I think the people that are closest to me have become numb to me in a way. They seem to filter half of the shit that comes out of my mouth (which probably should be done anyways). I talk constantly, though not always out loud…my mind runs like a motor and there are many times I am unsure whether the things I just thought were spoken or not.
    You need a muse? Not sure if i can help you there, but I can give you food for thought. I can expose you to an unfiltered mind…and you can take what you can use and throw out the rest.
    This might help, might not…but I find the most interesting things and really what every individual seeks is to understand why exactly things happen how they happen and why people do the things they do.

    • I’d welcome any input you’d want to give me. I find being unfiltered is the best way to put down written awesomeness.

      The only filter I’ve kept on this blog is the fact that I don’t usually drop the “F-bomb,” and that’s one of my favorite words. Ever.

  5. Ashley Pedersen says:

    One thing that does get me particularly riled up while sending me into a deep existential depression is that this younger generation our society is producing is so incredibly generic and unimpressive. We’ve got students graduating with all of these business degrees and yet no one around seems to possess any talent/skill/TRADE. Its all about money and convenience. America seems to be money and convenience…oh yeah, and untalented raunchy pop culture,

  6. […] degrees of conviction since I graduated from college.  While recovering from surgery, I took a slightly more serious stance towards getting published.  As you can see, “slightly” is a very relative […]

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