It’s the Final Countdown!

Posted: August 29, 2011 in Self-Deprecation
Tags: , , , ,

And so it came to pass, the final week of Jill’s confinement is nigh.  I’ve sacrificed the majority of Summer 2011 (and more) solely in the name of healing.  At least that’s what I keep telling myself, but I’ve never taken well to brainwashing– self-imposed or otherwise.  I’d make a great deep-cover spy, in that respect.  Regardless, one basement-bound summer down, September 1 is a mere three days away, and you bet your sweet ass that I’m excited to get use of my elbow back (at very least).   The cliched light at the end of the tunnel sure isn’t freedom.  Looking at this objectively, I really don’t know what’s going to happen on Thursday– beyond cracking Jill out of her fiberglass prison.  For all I know, the doc could be slapping me into another cast.  If that’s the verdict, I’m going to be one pissed off unit.  In the past month and a half of gimptacular goodness– I have gained an unfathomable amount of respect for amputees, stroke victims, and any others who lose usage of an arm/hand (dominant or not).  I really don’t need to say much more.

Important segue aside, I have plans to jump into a pool, or at very least a hot tub, this coming weekend.  Doc and I will have a wee discussion about putting another cast on me, or at very least a swimmer’s cast.  If I’m medically ordered to be off until November 1, he had better not expect me to sit my fat ass on the couch any longer.  Why?  I put on 20 pounds in a month and a half.  I told you, I don’t halfass anything…  I’ve got two asses!  Anyway, considering my armchair obsession with being a walking embodiment of awesome, this full-arm cast has way overstayed its welcome.

Ok, that’s as close to whiny emo as I get.  My hair’s too curly, skin too naturally olive, and I’m flat-out too classy for that kind of non-funny self-deprecation.  Back to releasing Jill from her now-well-tattooed cast.  All ulterior motives aside, I’m more excited than a drunk freshman on a date with the campus slut.  Although I will miss fingerbanging my cast with rapid gusto, I’m actually excited for kamakaze dieting and working out.

In masochistic pre-celebration of this, I’m planning to actually video the unveiling with my hacked-to-bejesus android.  So yes, my monumental date will be recorded in full HD, for those of you with computers that can handle hi-res shenanigans.  Unfortunately, I am not of that lot, so the next step will involve a deal with Mephistopheles himself–  I’ll have to use a freaking Mac.  It’s not mine, since I am opposed to Trashintoss (because it’s the precursor to Skynet).  Anyway, all brand prejudices and commentary aside, I will be posting the first (and probably only) video to the ol’ blog:  the opening of Jill’s tomb.

So I ask you, my handful of readers–  help me with a choice.  I’m going to rip the music track from either of two movies to commemorate the next step in my rehabilitation.  Either I will continue with the whole Zombie Jill thing, and rip the sequence from Evil Dead 2…  

Or, I can do something a little more entertaining (to me at least).

Faces shall melt.

.. and we call all revel in the glory of my head exploding when I see how puny and putrid my first love has become.

So, for those of you paying attention, I pose to you a conundrum—  do I continue the theme, or does Dr. Jones (and equally importantly, John Williams) get the nod?

I leave this choice up to my readers because, well, I’m too preoccupied with plotting my vacation…


  1. I’m partial to Williams…. but that’s my opinion and we all know what they are worth… 🙂

  2. SB says:

    I’ll take Bruce Campbell over Harrison Ford any day of the week and a full fledged marathon on Sunday.

    That being said, how about putting both sound files up with the video, and see which goes better with the cut? Real voting can commence from there.

  3. Indiana Jones would be way more epic I think. Totally winning with Williams. 😀

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