“You should see the other guy!”

Posted: July 26, 2011 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

By this point, most of my friends realize that I’ve had issues with my right hand since October.  No, Jill hasn’t been cheating on me, but that’d make for a far more interesting story as to why I’m in a cast up to my freaking bicep.  Then again, that sounds more like a reject from Penthouse Letters, but I digress.  For the rest of my friends unaware of my gimped nature, I always have to recant the tale of the initial break, then the abuse at work for 8 months, finally culminating in surgery.  At the end of the story, of course, I blame my state of loaded on the medication.  And of course, they call bullshit.

I may like a good conversation (and who doesn’t like talking about themselves?), but this routine is getting old.  We’re talking getting old faster than Amy Winehouse jokes.  Don’t get self-righteous and condemn me for the reference, we’ve been making fun of her for years–  so no, it’s not too soon, and isn’t suddenly bad taste because she finally scored an “own goal” like we’ve been predicting for years.  Somewhere, Keith Richards is chuckling, “Amateur.”

I digress, again.  I tend to do that with the Norco.  Back to the gimptacular hand, and the “holy crap what did you do” white cast that covers it.  The story, because it spans almost 9 months, is a bit laborious to tell– even in the short-short version.  Not to mention, I’m seriously bored with it.  So, for random strangers that I may (or may not) ever meet again, I have a golden opportunity.  I can now, legitimately, use the age-old line associated with feigned badassery, “You should see the other guy!”

It’s not that far-fetched.

The Arm.
The cast.

Then you factor in me.  I mean look at me.  I could totally push the button on your doomsday device.

Me

Me.

Granted, I need to take into account the possibility of the recipient of said remark to be like me: a weapons-grade wiseass.  They aren’t the ones to make the Average Joe, cliche, conclusion that some poor bastard got their day shat upon.  Nope, they are the ones quick enough of wit to reply, “Not a scratch on ’em?”

At that point, all there’s left to do is grin and say, “Well played.”

Unplug.

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Comments
  1. big e says:

    First! Dude you’re something else lol

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